DREAM BIG?

The words "dream big" appear on a teeny tiny sticker underneath my ironing board as I pull the thing out from underneath my bed. What a word right, "underneath." I'm cleaning my apartment because in the midst of my chaotic life mess is a to-do list.

And in the midst of the to-do list is a longing for the world to hear my story.

And in the midst of that longing for a world to hear my story is a nearly empty bottle of adderal. In the midst of that bottle is a long string of habitually not forming habits.
And in the midst of realizing that is the observation that I may be an Aunt Ginny.

And my heart drowns. Dream Big? I am alone in my dreams and yet in the midst of it all is a to-do list. Clean my apartment. Make a hate box. Buy champagne to celebrate an engagement, wrap a gift for a toddler. Take more adderal. Realize that the notes I took on Darryl Olive's teacher training is glued in my art journal next to an empty page minus these words: IN THE U.S. A STUDENT DROPS OUT OF SCHOOL EVERY 12 SECONDS. WHATEVER YOU DO, OR DREAM YOU CAN DO, BEGIN IT. BOLDNESS HAS GENIUS POWER AND MAGIC IN IT. BEGIN IT NOW.

As I read the words "Poland is a mixture of aristocracy and monarchy in their worst forms," in a neat line across the top of this nearly blank page it makes me feel powerful. I wrote those words in college and as I read them now my monkey  dreams of adding a knowledge of basic world politics and geography to its vocabulary. I only have to add it to my life plan right, knowing that the why I do something is more important than the what I do. I have a few whys for this one. I am passionate about democracy for one, I am hoping to be a very intelligent mother one day for another and I have to be an educated member of society above all else.

What does it mean to be "passionate" about democracy? Is our U.S. flag really the most recognized symbol of freedom and democracy in the world? Who is Virginia Foxx and why do I l constantly have an urge to share my story with you, the one of me finding an unread parenting book in my Dad's library? I read about making a family constitution in that book and as a Nanny I went back to that concept fairly often, moRe on that later. I found a small black notebook with a name tag that reads Hello My Name Is Writer. I wrote the word "writer" and I have full faith that what I began in that notebook is worth seeing through.